Sunday, 15 June, 2008

Bussssss- Avataram Perumalae!!!!!!!

10 reasons why one should not watch Dasavatharam

1. Kamal Hassan's hideous wig, paunch & man-boobs
This point more or less is about Kamal as Govind.With his howl inducing accent and more than pally-pally relationship with the monkey.He also launches into a diatribe about how AIDS virus was released into the world by a lab monkey.. So does that point to bestiality ?
Kamal probably grew those man-boobs for that Patti character.. still retaining it for Govind and Fletcher in certain angles does not fetch him brownie points in my book.

2.12th century episode
This one was the real irritant.If you remove this particular episode .. The movie would still make sense... Completely unnecessary and the fact that Asin did not show any cleavage though draped in a sari sans blouse was a major blunder in my view.Kamal should have ensured Mallika Sherawat played Kothai with a gravity defying Sari sans blouse... And for further titillation should have made her pole dance in front of the Chozha king for clemency.... Sure Fire hit....
Kamal's aping of Passion of the christ .. Where the protagonist is tortured, paraded before being killed evoked no symphathy.. Coz there was no depth... Why should we empathize with a guy.. Whose background is murky.. All of a sudden .. he bursts onto the scene... starts singing songs.. and is killed promptly... Dipshit

3.Asin Thottumkal

BITCH!!!! that is one word to describe her performance as Andal......
I was almost begging .. secretly praying to Mithun Da.. and the Flying Spaghetti Monster.. Hoping Fletcher would put a bullet through her brain...
One more time I hear Perumale from her.. I am gonna bitch slap her.. parade her naked through the streets... tie her to that idol of hers... and drop her into the sea.. BITCH!!!!!!!!!!

4.Krishnaveni Patti

FUCK!!!! Did Kamal spend a bomb on the make-up ?
This particular get-up looked as though .. the patti swallowed a vial of killer germs..
Coz the after effect of that virus makes someone look very similar to this Patti....

5.The Fletcher therapy

God bless Christian Fletcher. When governments around the world are spending millions of dollars trying to find a cure for cancer.. It was right there in front of us..
Chris Fletcher [ son of Duncan Fletcher former England Cricket Coach] really opened my eyes.
Extremely simple... Hire an Ex-CIA guy.. Make him shoot the cancer stricken guy with a gun.. and VOILA!! the gun would pierce the body takin away the tumour with it... No wonder people are against violence.. Some Pharma company is behind all this peace seeking Candle marches.. coz he knows no one would buy his drugs.. Too late to start an ordnance factory.. you see..

6.Avatar Singh

Buddy... If you are gonna sing a song like Oh Oh Sanam in front of a packed audience ... I swear they will pelt you with stones... Avatar Singh is an unnecessary plot device... Would have been interesting if Jayaprada had a pole dancing scene too... :D

7.Vincent - The activist

Flicking lines from Al Gore's An inconvenient Truth ... Sample " You just have one world to live in".... This avatar looked more like Ajith's tryst with Citizen.... very similar looking to Ajith's politician with goitre getup in that awful movie "Citizen".Pathetic waste of time

8. Himesh Reshammiya

Why is it that no one else apart from me sniff an islamic base in that "Kallai mattum Kandal" song. Buddy.. it is definitely not carnatic.. I bet my ass on it...sounds similar to a sufi song I heard years back.. but unable to recollect now

9.CGI work

Gosh.. Tacky.. Amateurish.. Rubbish.......

10.Story-Dialogue-Screenplay : Kamal hassan

This was his worst avatar.... Too self-indulgent.. showing off that he knows more stuff than the normal guy.... His weaving of atheism .... not knowing when to stop... and forced humour... I believe Crazy Mohan would have brought the roof down with a tool like Balram Naidu in his hand.. to be frank Balram Naidu scenes were not bad.. it could have been rocking.....

Parting Shot: Unlike Superstar.. Kamal needs to literally slog his ass to bring in the crowd.. had this film not been hyped to its current levels.. "Aascar" Ravichandran would have renamed himself "Asscar" Ravichandran

Thursday, 29 May, 2008

Blow job Story 2050

One may find this surprising. I have a soft corner for Anu Malik. People just love to rubbish him.. But I love to rubbish him even more.. He is my favorite punching bag.

But one can't deny he has given us stuff like


Main Hoon Na




Main Prem Ki Deewani Hoon




Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hain

I would give someone 1000 bucks if you can figure out on what basis I listed the above movies.He has plagiarized like hell I admit . But none of the above movies are listed at
The reason why I am talking about Anu "bullshit" Malik is that off late he has been churning out duds with amazing consistency.
At this rate he would soon achieve Six-Sigma Rating in delivering bullshit albums.
His much touted comeback album "Love Story 2050" has been my breaking point.
I was gritting my teeth even while hearing songs from Anamika. But this is the limit.
First of all any producer with an iota of sanity would not sing Anu Malik for a mega budget movie set in 2050 AD.
The songs are simply traumatic. If this is gonna be our future.. I pity my grand kids for the kind of music that is gonna assault them.
The biggest mistake has been trying to think "out of the box " in trying to predict future music patterns.. that too with Anu Malik.
One smart idea could ve been using retro music for a movie set in 2050 AD.
Like how Dil Chahta Hain spoofed old bollywood songs .. they could ve come up set pieces where the hero says..
Hey how about jiving to some retro "bullshit" songs by anu malik back in mid 2000's
My favorite song from the album is "Lover Boy.. Will you be my toy ? "

Lot of orthodox snobs have been offended by these words. There is just no ambiguity, it just has a single meanin namely "Hey 6 Ft. hunk.. how about lending me some spunk" . for dummies the translation is "It Rocks.. Cum in my Box" . Now my writing has surely touched rock bottom.

Had Anu Malik started a blog.. You certainly know it would be quite similar to

Terrible.. The soundtrack is plain awful. more awful than my blog.