Saturday 22 September 2007

Om panty Om- music review


Deepika padukone!!!!!!!!! marry me....... i know i ve got the sex appeal of a trash can...
What a babe.. a goddess in fact...
Comin to the relevance of the title of this post... that would be the name of the movie i would make with deepika padukone given a chance...
throught the duration of my movie she would be made to wear costumes like the above one....
super duper hit i tell you!!!
Err!!! the script would be something like deepika checking out the new Victoria's Secret store in town n tryin out all their latest "lavender tinted" night garments.... The duration of the movie would be for 187 min.. but i promise to ve the full director's cut of 435 min untouched on the DVD..
i swear this post was all about reviewing the soundtrack of "Om Shanti Om".. but when i was googling pictures for the post... couldn resist writing stinkers like the first few lines...
to be frank... the soundtrack is a real pain in the ass...
it is even more painful than reading this blog... rather than listenin to the songs u can gaze at her bosom above... that is one of the stills from the movie..
it is the now the stuff of legends on how rahman walked out of this movie citing differences regarding the music rights.... tht saga deserves a seperate blog in itself...
I was kinda excited [before the controversy i.e] coz farah khan sure has a decent taste in music...
if u can extract Main hoon na outta anu malik.. u can work wonders with rahman....
I frankly expected shankar-ehsaan-loy to take over the proj.. coz they are the only one after rahman in bollywood to ve that unique sound in spite of not repeating themselves...
vishal-shekar sure are talented... allah ke bande was a terrfic number and they are more capable than CASH n DUS...
but here... they stink big time....
Ajab Si is the only redeeming number in the whole album... excellent lyrics by vishal dadlani himself... in fact javed akhtar writes pretty mediocre stuff in the remaining songs...
he tries to do a gulzar who in jaan-e-man rhymed shaayri with diary...
here we get stupid lines linking san fransisco n disco... sheesh!!!
Dard-e-disco... i could almost imagine farah khan tellin rahman...
look rahman.. "i want this kick ass number which would put chaiyya chaiyya to shame... hire sukhvinder .. do something..."
but unfortunately.. she must ve uttered the same to vishal-shekar...
"INSIPID" is one word to describe this track... done to death rhythms.. stale hooks.. come on vishal-shekar... u guys can do better...
if u thought the worst was over.... sorry.. the album nose dives from here....
not just rock bottom.. it digs a hole 50 ft below rock botttom n fills it with shit...
"Deewangi" sounds like a tune anu malik would ve abandoned composing 2 mins into the song...
the way "Main agar kahoon" started I was instantly humming "yeh kiski hain aahat" from devdas... naah... smart guys.. turns out to be another one...
sonu nigam tries too hard in this "fake" retro number..... disgusting would be a nice way to describe the song...
"Jag soona soona lage" this track started with some bitch screaming as though her toe nail got crushed... i promptly switched to the next track...
"Dhoom taana" is sounds like a song more apt for Jeetendra n Sridevi doing their pelvic thrusts in the good old 80's.... shitty song...
vishal n shekar should be really ashamed... just check shankar-ehsaan-loy 's deliciously retro sounds in johhny gaddar... this one just sucks big time...
people who insist this one is a classic are like Gollum...
they are purely schizophrenic muttering " My Precioussssssssssssssssssssssss........."
people who like Sivaji's songs also fall into this category..
rahman sucks in sivaji... he is a genius... i'll bash up anybody who says otherwise.. still Sivaji sucks...
not just sivaji... but also godfather.. jillunu oru kadhal.... provoked... taj anthem... poverty anthem....
he has become stale.... get out of the rut buddy.... hope jodha-akbar redeems u from damnation.. Amen!!!

Sunday 16 September 2007

kaanal neer





HALLELUJAH!!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am weeping out of joy.................
The Lord has come[or should it be cum???]... The greatest Lord of all Lords.. the one for whom i was waiting all my life has arrived on silver screen.............
Prabhuji!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this marks the end of your glorius era.....
Name of the Lord: RITHEESH[ Warning: the name of the lord must be whispered softly.. & at the same time hanging upside down from u r fan would be a good way to pay homage...]
I had the good fortune to see our Lord's movie KAANAL NEER on dvd yeste....
and within 5 min knew India's greatest star has arrived on the horizon..........
Directed by Chinni jayanth india's Ingrid Bergman...[more tarantino than Ingrid actually!!!]..
He has tutoured under masters like Kanti shah, nabh kumar raju ,TLV prasad... for more on these avant garde directors visit the greatest Sith lord of blog world
Our Lordship is introduced as Momma's cute n cuddly boy who has horlicks before bed [though he has a bottle of whisky stashed under his pillow]....
check our momma's boy above.....
now coming to the gal.. which gal wouldn' wet her pussy thinking about Ritheesh..
so here she is [ i heard she was picked up from the alley behind vadapalani bus stand...]
It seems she was negotiating for a hundred bucks more.. unknown to the fact tht she was gonna be made Lord's consort..... [ a much worser fate than a couple of hours of quick action on the hay!!]
And the scintillating soundtrack by Sunny-Bobby makes the Audio CD[5.1 mastered] a must buy....
each track is a grammy winner in its own right....
For the past 48 hrs ... i have been trying really hard to figure out the plot of this epic saga..
Guess considering my pea size brain.. it would take a couple of days more..
but stay tuned folks... more updates on the story coming up.. till then.. download the images of our Lord of All Lords as u r desktop wallpaper.. you will attain salvation quicker than the time taken to spell "Kanaal Neer"..................................

Sunday 1 July 2007

Kireedom -music review

GV Prakash.... what have you done...
why is it that all music directors give their worst when it comes to ajith.........
rahman gives a godfather which is a pale shadow compared to his previous works....
mani sharma gives an anjaneya ... but when it come to vijay he belts out hits[though shitty] like youth[uggh!!].. pokkiri[puke!!],shah jahan....
Dhina composed for Jana[Ajith's version of baasha].... tirupacchi for vijay [Sigh!!]
even srikanth deva gives an azhwar for ajith at the same time givin sivakasi for vijay.....
yuvan shankar raja is an exception.. dheena had pacy music... but puthiya geethai had shitty music....
comin back to kireedom.. GV Prakash tries his hand at intro songs...
VIlayadu starts with band-bhaaja type music .. the crappy stuff dished out by garish colored band-wallahs... bad song dude.... if this is an indication ... big projects r not gonna come ur way.....
all thala fans r gonna be disappointed with the intro song...
vizhiyil is a classic song... but reminds me of rahman from the en swasa katre era.... still a good one...
akkam pakkam also passes muster... probably a lot of people would like this one... not me..
kanner thuliye starts so slowly that i fell asleep by the when it was 0.12 on my player..
would be surprised if people call this a classic.
guess there is one more song.. but i ve switched off my player... enough shitty stuff for one day...
Rakesh's erudite comments: i love the word "shitty"....

7 morons of the world-reloaded


Hmmm... This guy occupies the 6th position.... Niagara falls!!! hyolk.... hyolk.....
Rakesh's erudite comments:Hyolk is a kind of sound made by me when i choke with laughter
This moron wants to add india n indian parents to the list!!!!!!

Whip out ya mobile... !! SMS "INDIA" to 6868
I wonder if this crackpot would still include indian parents in the list once his parents get to know he is gay!!
Rakesh's erudite coments:Just observe the way he looks at the camera... i would certainly classify it as lecherous....And that ambiguous smile... i ve serious doubts.. hyolk hyolk...

7 morons of the world


Hiya Folks!!! To spice up my blog i m gonna introduce a new feature "Rakesh's erudite comments"... rejoice my readers!![ya right... all 3 of you...]
This particular piece appeared in the deccan chronicle... where people were quizzed about the 7 wonders of the world....
due to space constraints they failed to publish the full response of this particular female...
Thnx to my high & mighty contacts i ve squeezed out this terrific work of literature....

"Oh!... i forgot to add my #$%^%$#@#'s #$@%.... [Err.. dunno why this particular line was blanked out... i m still ruminating about this particular puzzle]
It should definitely be among the 7 wonders of the world...
every night i ve to search really hard... it is so damn puny tht once i find it .. i mark the spot.. n yet fail to find it the next day.........
and not to forget Waves... this is a place in anna nagar where u get the best bargains on tank tops... this single reason would qualify it among the 7 wonders of the world....
and not to forget...... ............."
Rakesh's erudite comments:"Bitch!"


Saturday 16 June 2007

anand


Till very recently when someone mentioned anythin about telugu movies my face would contort into an expression which would be quite similar to one walkin into a cloud of very nasty flatulence.
I assumed it was made of stuff like balakrishna commanding a train to flee in terror or chiranjeevi skidding under a lorry riding a horse.
Last weekend outta sheer boredom i borrowed this DVD from my friend ... a telugu movie called Anand.All my snobbery took a real beating.
Due to my limited command of the english language I m gonnarefrain from commenting much now..........just too dumbstruck right now.
What pains me even more is that this movie has been remade into tamil called Ninaithale[uggh!!].
I could not even tolerate the teaser promos on tv. The hero looks like what we call a "SONGI PAYYAN" and the heroine suffers from a severe case of albinism.
More on anand later...... [i ve Attention Deficit Disorder by the way]